If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
