I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
