I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
