Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
