I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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