My first STD was from a foam party
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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