I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
