I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
