dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
