you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
