TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
