1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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