He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
