He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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