Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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