I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
