You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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