My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you would pick up someone in the library
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
