butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
