There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
