On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
