She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
