Jerry, you need to find god
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk is not a location!
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