Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's not cheating when I paid for it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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