I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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