The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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