Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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