i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
