So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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