im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
