im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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