i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
