In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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