Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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