Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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