yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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