he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
