I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
