what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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