Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We have started to decorate penises.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
