So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
