I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
