I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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