she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
