i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
