erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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