Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
