I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
