making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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