What did we do last night that was yellow?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
