That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
