Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
